


Sleep Ears the Dog

by MoreHuman



Series: The Dog [5]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Dogs, Ficlet, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22485016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoreHuman/pseuds/MoreHuman
Summary: Patrick wants his bed back.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: The Dog [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1596469
Comments: 61
Kudos: 196





	Sleep Ears the Dog

The puppy is cute?

The puppy is cute and trying to kill him. Patrick’s just woken up in the middle of another falling dream to find himself teetering on the edge of the mattress, four paws lodged into his back and pushing. He reaches out to steady himself on the nightstand and calculates how close his face just came to being on a collision course with it. One of these days he’s going to actually tumble out of bed, end up with a black eye, invent some heroic backstory for it, somehow get found out by Ronnie, have to tell the real story anyway except now even worse because everyone will know he lied, and no one warns you about the true dangers of pet ownership. He sighs.

“I miss my bed,” he says out loud, even though he knows no one else in this room will be awake to hear it for another hour at least.

He gets up to start the coffee and sure enough, his husband and his dog are out cold, breathing in unison. David has his arms around Typo’s barrel chest; Typo has his nose tucked up under David’s chin. There’s about a mile of space between David’s back and his edge of the bed. Between Typo’s toes and Patrick’s, there’s about three centimeters. But looking down at his two guys, the one he married and the one he adopted, Patrick can’t be mad. He literally asked for this.

By the time he comes back with a thermos of coffee and two mugs, all the bed space has completely disappeared. David and Typo have Tetris’d themselves together so that there’s a foot or a paw or an elbow or a tail in every corner of the mattress. Maybe it’s not Tetris. Maybe it’s Twister. Either way, they’re professionals.

Patrick still can’t be mad, but he is gonna get his side of the bed back. Once and for all.

Typo cracks one eye open at the noise of the thermos and mugs being set down on the nightstand. His ears are half-drooped, flat across the top, the way they always are first thing in the morning. Patrick has a special nickname for him when he looks like this, and he uses it.

“Good morning, sleep ears,” he whispers, and scoops the dog up in his arms. 

Getting back in bed while balancing 50 pounds of dead weight on his chest is a bit awkward, but luckily David will sleep through anything. Typo, too, is instantly unconscious as soon as he’s horizontal again. He nuzzles his chin against Patrick’s sternum with a grunt of pleasure.

Patrick shimmies sideways until he can reach his husband’s face with his lips, and starts kissing it all over. He has every inch of it covered before he gets any response.

“Mmm,” David hums without opening his eyes. “Typo, you’ve changed your technique.”

Patrick discontinues the kissing. “I resent this comparison.”

“Scared you can’t compete?”

David cracks one eye open, and it’s true what they say. About people looking like their pets. Patrick kisses him full on the mouth, but puts a scowl into it so David will know he’s not playing this game.

“Jealous,” David murmurs, about to drift off again.

“Not as jealous as you’ll be once you see who I’m snuggled up with.” Patrick wraps each hand around the dog’s front paws and gives each of them a little squeeze. The furry toes flex back. “We’re over here like Meg Ryan and Richard Gere, and you can’t Hugh Grant your way between us, no matter how hard you try.”

He watches David’s face contort through the attempt to wrangle this cast into a recognizable narrative in his brain.

“That’s not– That movie doesn’t exist. Are you–?” And that’s when he must feel the vibrations of Patrick’s silent laughter through the mattress, because his eyes snap open. “Oh I see. You think you’re funny.”

“Always.”

Annoyance sharpens David’s expression. “What’s my dog doing on top of you?”

“Oh, you mean our dog?” Patrick can’t really shrug in this position, but his shoulders give it a shot anyway. “I guess he just likes it here.”

“No he doesn’t, he cuddles with me when he sleeps. Everyone knows that.”

Patrick considers probing on this _everyone_ (is David hosting a secret podcast about their dog?) but decides that’s a conversation for a different time. “If he’s cuddling with you then why does he always end up on my side of the bed?”

“He doesn’t.”

Patrick does jazz hands around the snoozing gray lump on his chest.

“Okay. Well.” David grips Typo under the shoulders and hauls him across his own body with the kind of casual strength that reminds Patrick of being carried up a mountain. And there isn’t even any cheese here. “We’ll see if he ever goes on your side of the bed again.”

The dog blinks like a bleary rag doll once, twice, then disappears inside a furious spooning that Patrick knows well. David turns his back, curving his body into a barricade of affection meant to keep his dog right where he belongs. This is a solution Patrick can work with.

“Yeah David,” he says, wrapping one arm around his husband’s waist and resting his forehead on the back of his neck. Stretched out across all this reclaimed real estate, he feels ready to fall back asleep. “We’ll see.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Sleep Ears the Dog](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28239780) by [GoLBPodfics (GodOfLaundryBaskets)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodOfLaundryBaskets/pseuds/GoLBPodfics)




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